


Still Beating Heart

by meliadeloreos



Category: kevedd - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:47:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22265101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meliadeloreos/pseuds/meliadeloreos
Summary: One mistake plus one accident leaves a life in the balance. Will a heart stop or can things be fixed?
Relationships: Edd "Double D"/Kevin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

Edd loved Kevin. He loved him more than anything in the world. He loved the way Kevin's lip would turn up just a little bit more on the left side than the right. He loved the way Kevin's cheeks were lightly showered with freckles, and that those freckles were more noticeable on Kevin's shoulders than anywhere else. Edd loved that Kevin's eyes would slightly change colors depending on what color shirt Kevin wore, or the lighting in the room. He loved how his hair would turn a slight strawberry blonde color in the summer because Kevin liked to be outside. Edd loved how it was only his bangs that did so, and how Kevin wouldn't take his hat off in front of anyone except for Edd because of it.

Yes, Eddward loved Kevin, and that's what made it so hard to do what he knew needed to be done. It would break his heart to break up with his boyfriend of over a year. So as Kevin lay on the bed in Edd's room, Edd sat in the floor with his head on his arms that he had wrapped tightly around his legs.

Kevin could tell something was wrong. Edd hadn't been his self for weeks. He had been uncharacteristically quiet and all around withdrawn. Kevin had asked him a few times what it was that was on his mind, but Edd had told him it was nothing. Kevin left it alone thinking that Edd would come to him about whatever it was when the beanie clad boy was ready. Kevin had assumed correctly, for that morning Edd called him and asked him to come over so they could talk. But as the minutes ticked by Edd still hadn't said a word.

Kevin sat up from his position on the bed and placed both of his feet on the ground, he put his elbows on his knees to still the nervous bouncing, "Edd, babe, will you please talk to me? You called me saying there was something important we had to talk about. So speak. Please?"

"I think we should break up." Edd mumbled into his arms hoping that Kevin wouldn't hear but also hoping he would.

And Kevin did hear, but he wished he hadn't. He stared across the room at his boyfriend who had gone silent, yet again. Kevin's jaw dropped ever so slightly as the words sunk in.

Kevin ran his hands through his hair, not bothering to pick up his hat when it fell off, "what are you talking about?"

Edd lifted his head up for the first time since he'd put it down, his eyes were dry but the signs that he had been crying were obvious, "I-I'm breaking up with you."

"Why?" Kevin stood as he asked the question, "what do you mean? I don't understand."

The red head crossed the room to kneel in front of the boy he loved, "please explain this to me, because I'm so utterly confused right now."

Tears were beginning to flow from his eyes. Only five words had been spoken, but they had as much power as a wrecking ball on a poorly built dam.

"Please don't cry." Edd reached up to Kevin's face to wipe away the tears, "If you cry then I'm going to cry, and when I cry it's hideous."

"What else am I suppose to do?" Kevin moved Edd's hand away from his face and stood back up, "the only thing that is hideous is what you just said to me."

Edd stood wanting to comfort the crying teen but thought better of it since Kevin had pushed his hand away. "I know you're upset," Edd started but was stopped short when Kevin turned to face him.

"Upset? You think I'm upset? I'm not upset. I'm fucking hurt. I'm confused. And I feel like I was just punched in the gut a few hundred times!" Kevin's voice grew louder with every sentence and by the end he was shouting, his arms gesticulating wildly. The tears had stopped momentarily, shock and greif replaced with anger.

"You wanted to know why. I'm trying to tell you." Edd backed away ever so slightly, the red head's shouting making him cringe. "You are great. I absolutely love and adore you.-"

"Then why are you breaking up with me" Kevin interrupted again.

"Because as great and perfect as you are, we aren't perfect together. You and I are combustible, not compatible. When we first started dating I was happy, I could see a future with you. Which was something that I hadn't been able to do with anyone until you." Edd started pacing across his bedroom, one hand holding his beanie for comfort, "But the longer we stay together the more I lose myself in you. I'm not myself anymore. I'm 'Kevin's boyfriend'. That's who I've become." He stopped to look Kevin in the eyes, "I don't know if you've noticed, but we fight. A lot." He began to pace again, "We argue and fight daily. About stupid things. Things that don't even really matter. And if we happen to not argue then I start feeling anxious. If we don't fight I'm constantly waiting for something to happen that will cause us to fight. I don't like that. I don't want it to be like that."

Kevin stepped in front of Edd's path of pacing and placed his hands on Edd's shoulders, "Then we'll fix it. We'll make it better. We won't fight. Just please, please don't do this."

Edd looked down at his feet, "I'm afraid it's too late to fix it. And I'm afraid I already did do it."

Kevin dropped his hands from his now ex-boyfriend's shoulders. He looked like a kid who'd just been told their puppy had been run over. Edd wanted to say something to comfort the boy he had loved for so long, but anything he said now would only make it worse for Kevin so he stood silently.

A range of emotions played out on Kevin's face. He went from shocked to sad, from sad to confused, and from confused to betrayed. And oh did Kevin feel betrayed. He had done so much for Edd. He had risked his spot on the baseball team, he had faced ridicule from so many of his so called friends, and he had come out to his father. For what?

Edd had a good idea of what was running through Kevin's mind because he was thinking the same thing. But the feelings attached to Edd's thoughts weren't feelings of betrayal, they were feelings of guilt. He felt guilty for putting Kevin through everything that they'd been through. He felt guilty for giving up when Kevin hadn't. But he mostly felt guilty for loving someone who made him feel like he wasn't his self.

The two boys stood in silence for what seemed like an eternity. Each wanted to say something to the other but words failed them both. Finally the silence became almost as unbearable as the greif-stricken look on Edd's face. Kevin walked briskly to Edd's bed, picked up his hat and left the room.

Edd stood in the center of his room, unable to move until he heard the front door slam. The sound of it brought him from his daze and he ran to the window. He watched as Kevin crossed the street to his house and mounted his motorcycle. The red head wiped his face on his arm, started up the bike, and quickly sped down the street.

Edd turned away from the window once Kevin was out of sight. The boy slid down the wall and pulled his beanie over his face. He knew there was no one there to see him cry but he still felt the need to hide.

"I hate you Kevin Barr." He whispered between sobs, "I hate you so much. Why did you make me fall in love with you?"


	2. Chapter 2

Kevin had left in a hurry, where he was going remained unknown. He just had to get away. He didn't want to be anywhere near the stupid house of that stupid boy in that stupid beanie. Or so he kept telling himself. In fact quite the opposite was true, he wanted so bad to be with that boy in the beanie. But he couldn't go back, so instead he pushed his bike a little faster, and put more distance between him and that boy.

The more he tried to not think of it the more it seemed like that was all he could think of. It consumed him. Every single bit of him. His chest felt still, his stomach hallow. His head ached, and his eyes just kept leaking in a way they never really had before. Kevin tilted his head back and let out a scream. The sound was something unnatural and broken.

The road he was on started twisting, but Kevin didn't slow down. He tilted his head back again and screamed, it was louder and even more broken than the first scream. Kevin brought his eyes back down to the road, but not in time.

There was a sharp curve, and he was going too fast. He tried to turn but he still kept going forward. Kevin put his arms up for protection, but it was no use. The last thought he had before colliding with the tree was of Edd. It was a memory, now bittersweet, of their first kiss.

He had told Edd multiple times that he would love him until the day he died, and he had meant it every time.

After Kevin left, Edd had tried to focus on anything but the red head. He had re-cleaned his room, checked his homework twice, and washed all the china in the cabinets. His natural tidiness hadn't left him with many chores to complete. He was about to sit down and go over his English paper for a third time when a knock sounded at the door. Edd was puzzled by the sound. He knew it wasn't Ed or Eddy because neither of them even bothered to knock, and it couldn't be anyone else because the only other person who came to see him had driven off on his motorcycle almost four hours prior.

Curiosity drove Edd to the door, when he opened it he wasn't quite sure what to think.

"Why hello Mr. Barr." The dark headed boy said, "what brings you here?"

"Have you heard from Kevin at all this afternoon?" The aged man asked, "I've been trying to get in touch with him but he won't pick up the phone, and he won't call me back."

"I'm sorry Mr. Barr, but I haven't heard from him either. I doubt he'd want to talk to me anyways." Edd looked down at his feet, his expression one of guilt.

"Why wouldn't he want to talk to you?" Mr. Barr's face tangled in confusion. "You are his um. I mean you two are. Well you know."

Edd didn't look up when he spoke, "I'm afraid we broke up earlier today, sir."

"Oh. Well. I, I'm sorry to hear that." He stood on Edd's doorstep silently for a minute before he turned to leave. It was at that same moment a Peach Creek Police car pulled on to the street, both Edd and Mr. Barr watched as it slowed to a stop in front of the Barr's residence. The two looked at each other, concern on both of their faces.

Mr. Barr stepped forward, "Good evening officer. Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Do you know if anyone residing in the residence," the officer gestured to the Barr house, "is home at the moment?"

"Yes sir, that's my house. What seems to be the problem?" Mr. Barr spoke over the lump in his throat.

"Well sir, about an hour ago a young man was brought into the ER. A young couple found the man lying next to a tree and a totaled motorcycle. When we checked for identification we found a licsence with this address on it." The officer took his hat off and looked down at the cement before continuing on, "Sir, when I left him, he wasn't doing so well. If you would like, I can take you down there right now."

If Edd's heart wasn't already broken from the events that had taken place earlier that day it most definitely was when the officer finished speaking, "I'm going with you," he said placing his hand on Mr. Barr's shoulder.

The two of them walked silently to the car as the officer held open the door. Edd slid in first, tears flowing silently down his cheek.

Mr. Barr looked at him with concern, "Son, you okay?"

Edd put his head in his hands and began to sob, Mr. Barr could barely understand him when he spoke, "I'm so sorry. This is all my fault."

Mr. Barr wasn't exactly sure what to do with the sobbing boy so he placed his hand on Edd's back, "No it's not kid. It's going to be okay. Kevin is a trooper. He'll be fine."

But even as he spoke the words he hoped to be true, he wasn't so sure Kevin would be fine.


	3. Chapter 3

The ride to the hospital had been full of silence and worry. Guilt rolled off of Edd in waves, he blamed himself. That much was obvious to Mr. Barr. The man had tried his best to reassure the lanky teen, but he had never had to comfort a distraught gay boy before. He was completely out of his element.

Edd tried to keep his distance, he knew that Mr. Barr still wasn't use to his son dating a guy. He didn't want to make the situation awkward on top of everything else. The two had been sitting in silence for an hour before the doctor came to speak to them.

"Mr. Barr?" The doctor asked with his brow slightly raised.

The older man stood up. "Yes, that's me."

"Sir, we've done everything we can. Your son seems to be stable for now, but he is still in critical condition. The couple who found him don't know how long he had been laying there, but from the looks of it he was there for a good bit." The doctor explained solemnly, "If we had gotten to him sooner we might have been able to do more. He lost a lot of blood from internal bleeding, and he has a few broken bones.. We are trying to make sure everything is in working order internally before we check for spinal damage, but since he wasn't wearing a helmet I'd say it's more than likely. If he stays stable and is able to recover from this it's possible he won't be able to walk again."

Edd stayed seated, slowly processing the information the doctor had just relayed. _If he stays stable. If he recovers. He won't be able to walk._ What was left of Edd's composure at that point had completely evaporated. He pulled his beanie down over his face and began to sob violently, the words "my fault" and "sorry" barely able to escape from his mouth.

The doctor stood there unsure of what to do. Mr. Barr sat down next to the teen and awkwardly wrapped his arms around his son's former boyfriend. The man looked back up to the doctor not letting go of Edd. "Do you think it's possible for us to see him?" He asked on behalf of the brunette boy who had snaked his arms around the older man's neck.

The doctor nodded. "Of course, follow me," the young man turned to lead them to Kevin's room.

The doctor stopped outside of room one-thirteen, "I'll be back to check on him periodically, if there is anything you need just press the call button."

The two hesitated at the door. The older man not sure if he could handle seeing his son broken, the younger one not sure if he could see the damage he'd caused. Edd looked to Mr. Barr for some sort of comfort, an understanding look crossed the man's features and he stepped inside first.

The beeping of the heart rate monitor chilled Edd right to his very core. In that moment the beeping was the most important thing in that room. So long as that beeping stayed even Kevin stayed alive. And as long as Kevin was alive Edd was too.

Edd loved that red headed fool. He loved him too much. That's why he'd done what he had. The feelings he had for Kevin scared him senseless. He hadn't lied when he told Kevin he wasn't him self. He hadn't lied when he told Kevin he was losing him self in the other. No, he had been completely honest.

But what he hadn't realized in that moment was that he wasn't losing himself, he was finding his self. With Kevin he couldn't hide behind his brain, or his books. He had no way of stopping the fall. He had no way of retreat, and that scared the hell out of him. So instead of retreating inside of the walls he had built, he pushed Kevin out.

The realization of what he had done, and the reason behind it pushed him to Kevin's side. "Kevin, I know you're in there. I know you can hear me," he leaned down to whisper in the red head's ear, "Kevin, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I pushed you away. I'm sorry I didn't stop you from leaving when everything in me told me to go after you." Edd's voice cracked as he tried to choke back more tears. "I'm sorry I made you think that I don't love you. And I am so very sorry for putting you here. Kevin please, I know I have no right to ask you this after hurting you, but I need you to fight through this for me. Please?"

The very second Edd stopped speaking the heart rate monitor fell into a long, shrill beep. Edd stumbled away from the bed, panic coursing through his veins. The doctor who had spoken to Mr. Barr came running into the room along with a handful of nurses and another doctor. Two of the nurses were trying to push Edd and Mr. Barr out of the room while the others scrambled to help the doctors.

Edd reached a hand towards the door as it closed on the group inside, Kevin's name rang out through the hallway before Edd crumpled to the floor in defeat. "Please don't die Kevin. You need to know I love you. You need to know I'm sorry."


	4. Chapter 4

Kevin found himself standing alone in a hallway. He couldn't remember how he'd gotten there, or where there was exactly. Just about the only thing he could remember was his name. He knew his name was Kevin, and he knew he was lost.

He turned his head to the left and then to the right. "Hello? Is anybody out there?" He called out but received no answer.

He looked once more to the right and left. To the right he saw that the farthest end of the hallway was brightly lit. To the left he saw nothing but empty hallway. "I'll go right," he whispered to himself, "if I go right then I can't be wrong."

He slowly began walking towards the light at the end of the hallway. Each step took him past another door, each door was marked with a number. "I must be in a hospital." He mused as he crept towards the light. He was five or so paces away from the light when he heard it. It came from behind him, a voice. Not just any voice, a familiar voice, one that knew his name. And it hadn't been called, his name had been shrieked. He heard it, as clear as day.

Kevin turned and ran back towards the other end of the hallway. Upon reaching the spot the sound had come from he looked around frantically. But there was nothing. Nothing but another door with another number, one-thirteen.

He was standing there staring at the door wondering if his name had been called from inside the room when he heard a sobbing noise from directly behind him. He wheeled around and again found no one, but he could still hear the crying.

And then a pained voice reached his ears. "Please don't die Kevin. You need to know I love you. You need to know I'm sorry."

"Edd?" Kevin whispered right before his legs buckled beneath him. The floor rushed towards his face and then everything went black.

"Clear!" The doctor said as he pressed the paddles of the defibrillator to Kevin's chest in a last ditch effort to bring the boy back.

He looked from the boy to the monitor, but the boy had flat lined, there was no indication of a heartbeat. The young doctor was about to call the time when he heard a small beep from the monitor, followed by another stronger beep. The doctors standing over Kevin looked at each other somewhat shocked. The word "miracle" was whispered by one of the nurses. Still the two doctors held their breath, both of them unsure if Kevin's heart would continue to beat. As they stared at the red head his eyelids fluttered and his lips moved soundlessly.

"Did he just say something?" One of the nurses asked.

Kevin's lips moved again. "Double Dork." He said barely above a whisper

The doctors and nurses in the room looked at each other, one question hanging in the air, "what the hell is a double dork?"

Edd sat in the hallway, his legs pulled up to his chest and his head resting on his knees. Mr. Barr stood next to him, one hand gently patting the boys back. The urge to comfort Edd beating out the urge to pace. Both of their heads snapped up when the nurses began to file out of the room, followed by the two doctors.

The one who had spoken to them earlier that evening walked up to them again, a look of amazement on his face. "Gentlemen, I would like you to know that young Mr. Barr is stable. All of his vitals are showing up normal, and his heart rate is being closely monitored. He gave us quite a scare, but we were able to bring him back," the doctor explained before giving the two men a small smile. "Amazingly he seems to be doing much better now than he was earlier. He is showing signs of consciousness, and he seems to be somewhat alert."

Mr. Barr glanced at Edd when he wiped tears away from his eyes. "What do you mean by alert?" He asked, his voice hoarse from all the crying he'd done.

"Well we aren't sure what he was trying to say, but he said something about a double dork when we brought him back. Most likely he is a bit delirious." The doctor explained.

Edd stared at the doctor with a dumbfounded expression on his face before letting out a giggle. "Double dork?" He asked between giggles. "The first thing he said was double dork?"

The doctor looked at Edd like he was a madman, but Mr. Barr understood. He knew it was Kevin's petname for the giggling boy beside him. Mr. Barr probably understood more than anyone what that pet name meant. He had heard it first when Kevin was a preteen, it was used almost daily when the boy would talk about the kid who lived across the street. Over time it changed from a term used in annoyance to one used in friendship, and then from a term of friendship to one of endearment.

Yes, Mr. Barr knew the importance of those two simple words that the doctor dismissed as delerium brought on from the trauma of Kevin's accident. So in his understanding Mr. Barr let out a good solid laugh of his own.

His boy was going to be just fine. He was sure of it.


End file.
